Basketball Version of No Child Left Behind

President Bush signing the No Child Left Behin...

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“A room without books is like a body without a soul.”

-Cicero

 Education is the cornerstone of civilisation. It is also the biggest threat to totalitarianism. Adolf Hitler built bonfires out of books he felt threatened his cause. The works of Thomas Mann became ashes. Erich Kramer had to publish his tale of the horrors and deprivations of war under the name ‘Remarque’ and was forced into hiding to escape the reach of Hitler’s thugs. Americans are content with simply removing challenging literary content from library shelves. The Richard Nixon administration created busing, supposedly to equilibrate educational success across cultural and racial lines. It served to disrupt the classroom, thereby promoting ignorance and further division of the American population. A people divided are simpler to lead. The voucher system further weakened public education in America. It robbed schools of needed finances and provided a ‘no confidence’ vote for disgruntled parents. Not that parents shouldn’t be permitted to  criticise the education of their children; why must they be empowered to take their toys and go home? Home schooling was a concluding nail in the coffin of American education. Ideologically unique parents became authorized, sans any qualifications or education, to teach their children at home, without the interference of exigent dogma. The final blow came with  George W. Bush’s No Child Left Behind. Now, the student could be merely trained to pass tests and no longer needed to be educated. Furthermore, no funding for the program would be provided. The combination created a recipe for failure, enhancing the community’s disenchantment with public education, and advancing the potential for vouchers and the charter school system, which could be more directly controlled by corporate America, denying any challenge to its goals of providing cheap slave labour and cannon fodder. A greater separation between the ultra wealthy and the remainder of the American population would occur. Exclusive private schools permit the ruling class to think and advance, while the rest of American society is damned to superficial thinking and flawed decision making.

The following was furnished by a teacher, and clearly illustrates the ludicrous situation created by No Child Left Behind.

All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If, after two years, they have not won the championship, their basketballs and equipment will be taken away until they do win the championship. All kids will be expected to have the same basketball skills at the same time even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in basketball, lack of desire to perform athletically, or genetic characteristics such as height or lack thereof.

ALL KIDS WILL PLAY BASKETBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!

Talented players will be asked to work out on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time for the athletes who aren’t interested in basketball, have limited athletic ability, or whose parents don’t like basketball. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the third, eighth and eleventh games.

This law will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child gets left behind. If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can screen out the non athletes and prevent their children from having to go to school with bad basketball players.

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About Stefan Jacke

MagicRobert presented me with a vellum document, composed in an insane script. We were in a well secured vault in the Michener Library. His face exploded into a broad smile, as he saw me recognize the words, "That government governs best which governs least." It was a copy of "On Civil Disobedience" in the author's own hand. The experience called to mind a conversation Henry David Thoreau had with Ralph Waldo Emerson, as Thoreau sat in a jail cell, incarcerated for protesting the Mexican War. Emerson asked, "David, what are you doing in there?" Thoreau responded, "The point is, Ralph, what are you doing out there?" Once, long ago, I jumped off of big red trucks, lifted weights, and cleaned toilets for a living. Then I wrestled drunks, ran around in circles, and got splattered with blood and all manner of body fluids for a living. Now I enjoy the stillness of early morning in my rocking chair on the porch, with a hot cup of coffee, trying in vain to forget the past. Thank you, Robert!
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